In the name of democracy, good governance and human rights the United People’s Freedom Alliance (UPFA), the ruling government party in Sri Lanka has announced a major overhaul to the Sri Lankan constitution and plans to pass a new constitution after their election victory next month.
The Government
The core theme of the new constitution will be the Right to Protect Human Rights of the Minority Communities in the nation. Accordingly the government will be divided in to four main branches, namely:
- The Legislature
- The Judiciary
- The Rajapakshe Council
- The Executive
The Legislature
The Legislature will comprise of 50-50 Representation of Tamils and Sinhalese granting the Sri Lankan Tamil Community their historic political demand since time immortal. This number will be chosen by a popular election comprising Tamils who support the Rajapakshe family and Sinhalese who support the Rajapakshe family. All the members of the legislature will have to take an oath of eternal servitude to the Rajapakshe family.
The Judiciary
The Judiciary will comprise of highly educated Rajapakshe supporters who have reached a level of maturity that has not being reached by the average Rajapakshe supporter. All members of the Judiciary will be able to act independently as long as they are following the wishes of Mahinda Rajapakshe.
The Rajapakshe Council
A Special council will be created comprising the members of the Rajapakshe clan who have sworn eternal loyalty to Mahinda Rajapakshe. Although the membership of the council is open to all members of the legislature, before being appointed the appointee must legally change his/her name to “Rajapakshe”. The Rajapakshe council will take the responsibility of protecting the nation from external terrorists and internal traitors. The council will also make it their priority to ensure that Human Rights are applied to all those who support the Rajapakshe government.
The Executive
The Executive will be the head of the nation and will be called as president and will be elected by the people of Sri Lanka through popular vote. In order to run for the office of the president the person must be a Sri Lankan born who is a member of the Rajapakshe Council.
The Citizens
In an act of generosity and graciousness the new constitution will term all citizens of Sri Lanka as “Supporters of the Rajapakshe Clan”. This is done in order to prevent several highly rich Colombian citizens from being excluded from the popular movement and making their feelings hurt. After this reform all citizens of the country will be able to feel that they supported the destruction of terrorism and fascism and be unified by a common identity.
Fundamental Rights
The new constitution will ensure the Right to protect doctrine of all citizens by granting full military and police powers to average citizens in the event of a violation or the perceived violation of Human Rights and Democracy. The average Rajapakshe supporter will now be able to defend himself and his immediate friends from coming to harm through undemocratic means or having their human rights violated.
Religion
The official religion in Sri Lanka will of course be changed to Rajapakshism, which is a growing offshoot of Buddhism, Christianity and Islam which is poised to unite all Sri Lankan in a single religion thus eliminating each and every one of Religious tensions in the island.
Because Rajapakshism is a religion of the people, the people will be given the power to elect their religious leaders. Different religious leaders will be elected to each branch of Rajapakshism from previously Buddhist, Christian and Muslim religions. These leaders will be considered equal among all of them while the Buddhist branch of Rajapshism will be given the foremost place in the Sri Lankan constitution.
The State
The nation of Sri Lanka will be a formally known as the Democratic Socialist Rajapaksheland of Sri Lanka and will be divided in to four main administrative divisions which will be headed by Basil, Namal, Gothabaya and Chamal Rajapakshe. They along with Mahinda Rajapakshe will be known as the Five Great Pillars of Rajapakshaland of Sri Lanka and will be entitled to make a 10% commission on each and all monetary transactions taking place in the island.
Accordingly a new tax will be constituently mandated named the “Basil Tax” which will be applied along with other taxes such as VAT. Also all businesses and corporations in the island will be re-incorporated under a Rajapakshe with more than 50% shares be handed over to Basil Rajapakshe.
Sri Lankan President Mahinda Rajapakshe has expressed his confidence in the new constitution to bring a new era of prosperity and good governance to Sri Lanka. People in Sri Lanka are expected to vote en-masse for the UPFA and the constitutional reform is expected to be implemented hours after Basil Rajapakshe announces the election results as the deputy elections commissioner.
All Sri Lankans are said to be in a constant state of expectation and hope till the new constitution is implemented and Sri Lanka turned to the Utopia of Asia.
